Monday October 12 8.30pm
EXCLUSIVE ANNOUNCEMENT OF NEW NAME FOR NATIONAL RUGBY LEAGE (NRL)
“GRUNT GRUNT FIGHT GRUNT GRUNT SKANKS GRUNT PISSED GRUNT… SORRY”
THE NATIONAL RUGBY LEAGUE has been so badly damaged by a litany of off-field scandals there are calls for the game to trade under a new name (because clearly the name is the problem). And while rebranding would be hugely expensive, it’s still cheaper than teaching the players not to act like in-bred Vikings on ice. The idea is rather than actually improving anything they’ll just call it something different – like when Telecom became Telstra, the DSS became CentreLink and John Howard became Kevin Rudd. Happily the NRL itself has come up with the perfect suggestion. We can reveal exclusively that the new name for the NRL will be “GRUNT GRUNT FIGHT GRUNT GRUNT SCANKS GRUNT PISSED GRUNT… SORRY”.
SEARCH FOR MISS CHICO ROLL
THE CHICO ROLL first appeared in 1951 at the Wagga Wagga show – it was designed to be eaten with one hand while holding a beer with the other and make any red blooded Aussie bloke feel he has the stomach of an ox and the testicles of a bull… which are also the main ingredients. The organisers are looking for someone who embodies everything we love about the Aussie girl – fun, cheeky and down to earth. They also want someone who embodies everything we love about Chico Rolls – barely covered, salty and at some point has been on every lap, of every truck driver in Australia. Firm favourite for the Chico crown is the chk chk boom girl.
FEATHER PLUCKING MOTHER PLOVERS
SPRING has sprung, and with it the brutal head wounds of dive bombing birds. Every day there’s a chance of a demented bird squawking and going for your throat, it’s a bit like being a reporter outside the court during an underbelly trial. The females are decorating their baby’s nest so this is the worst time to wear a feather in your hat – unless you want to be bombed by a feather plucking mother plover.
AND THAT’S THE GOOD NEWS!
This week Mikey, Claire and Paul are joined by Stephen K. Amos and Fiona O’Loughlin.