Throng

Dear Friends,

There was a camera crew waiting to film my arrival at at the airport in Cebu. They fllowed behind me as I was escorted to the BigFoot bus, and then transported back to the film Studio. This was a modelling contract I had always aspired to, and it was almost unbelievable to now be working with an organisation that specialised in underwater entertainment. I was always been fascinated by the unique skills required to transform a model into a mermaid, and this was the opportunity of a lifetime.

Dear Friends,

As expected, my poor diet has resulted in a series of exciting tropical diseases, beginning with food poisoning and hopefully ending with the ulcerated lesions that are currently paralysing my neck. Thankfully, my vision has returned so that I am now able to recommence studying 'Adjudication Within The Criminal Justice System’ and complete this blog not too long after the month of December.

 Dear Friends,

Earlier this year I was booked for an underwater modelling contract in the Philippines, beginning in January. The idea of spending two more months on holidays was unappealing, so I organised to be flown to the Philippines immediately and once again became deeply involved in my beloved charity work.

I am staying at an orphanage called Mango Tree House, living with and caring for 35 children, many with no living relatives and all having survived situations of extreme poverty. Within this home they are provided with food, clothing, an education, and most importantly the support of a loving family. This care is possible thanks to the generosity of child sponsors from around the globe, and dedication of local staff. The enthusiasm and compassion within this organisation is truly inspirational, and I am privileged to have become known as Aunty Alamela.

 Dear Friends,

Thankyou ever so much for your kind comments and encouragement. I have decided to continue this blog, and share with you a monthly update on my life. Since I last wrote, I returned to Australia due to severe pain in the right side of my head caused by an infection in my sinuses. I was unsuccessfully prescribed a course of antibiotics, and have since been placed on the waiting list for surgery. Apparently it could be 'between several months and a few years' before this half hour operation can occur, so in the meantime I have been organising my unsettled life.

Evening shifts into early morning as sunlight filters through the smoggy sky, and everyone gathers the pillows and blankets to prepare for the final episode of Australia's Next Top Model. Even the booker from our agency has come to watch the finale, and offer his expert opinion on the competition this year. Outside geckos chirp loudly and cling dangerously to the windowpane, and a couple of cats playfully chase cockroaches through the gutters many stories below. We wait in anticipation for the episode to begin. The internet is connected, the non alcoholic beers are opened, and the program begins, the opening montage flicks by, Sarah begins to speak yet we hear nothing. Apparently the speakers on my humble computer have broken, and we are forced to watch the show on mute. As sleep deprivation has induced hysterics in all of us, we decide to create our own storyline.Read more

A model must have a strong portfolio, they must display the versatility to perform under pressure in a variety of situations, professionalism and perseverance will provide them with a lasting career, and the rest is up to fate. Certainly some models will excel simply because they reflect the current trends, but the most rewarding success comes from dedication. Those most worthy of praise are hardly the celebrities idolised by popular culture, they are the people who fail to achieve their dreams and try again. These people know who they are, they understand more than life on a silver platter, and they are truly admirable. They are people like Clare and her parents, and their strength of character is revealed in the face of adversity. I am therefore confident that this elimination will only strengthen her own resolve to succeed, and someday she will be amazing.

This week the Top Model contestants ventured overseas to begin their international modelling careers. My South African house mate wishes Cassi all the best in this endeavour, and eagerly awaits her arrival in Taipei. He also suggests that if she would like to occupy the largest room in this apartment, he has no problem sharing with her. The excitement surrounding this brief trip was generally unsubstantiated, as the flight from Sydney to London takes 26 hours. Amounting to almost 3 days of travel, an additional day of filming establishing shots, and then 3 days remain to experience the European culture (limited to some subway travel and a visit to Top Shop).

As the girls arrive in England, a clear winner becomes apparent. Identified by her attachment to a certain amphibious creature, the secret of every Top Model career. My Brazilian room mate Tamine laughs in delight.

In what is potentially the greatest episode in Top Model history, this week showcases the dramatic arts and how they may be possibly somehow vicariously distantly related to the modelling industry. The episode opens with an aria performed by Sharon Zhai on the front lawn of the model mansion, this means I am no longer the only random opera singer in the series. She looks like the picturesque cover of a Mills and Boone romance novel awaiting the return of her prince charming, but instead she is greeted by a confused group of models. On a completely unrelated note, she also delivers a Sarah Mail. I am disappointed to discover that unlike her song, this is not written in Italian. Adele points out that the dramatic jargon and stage references insinuate an acting lesson will ensue, however the other girls believe they will learn opera. I wish modelling involved opera.

This week many people came and went from the real life model mansion in which I live, and by model mansion I mean inner city apartment with broken furniture. I took this upheaval as an opportunity to upgrade my room, and now possess a closet and a mirror and am surrounded by four feature walls all a hideous shade of purple. While moving in I discovered an odd collection of left foot shoes, several one cent coins, and a baseball bat that we now use as a rolling pin in the kitchen. Feeling wealthy from all the coins I aquired, I went to Sogo and purchased a dinner of durian (affectionately known as the gymsock fruit because of its smell) and bubble tea (a green tea textured with solid chunks of tapioca), then returned home to to watch Top Model but technology failed me.

The opening montage of flashbacks to the last episode of Top Model show Cassi and her moral awakening to the irrationality of this competition. As the final three girls wait on the elimination platform, it is obvious that Cassi will be called out next to rejoin the remaining contestants. If I was incredibly bored I would develop a formula to predicting these eliminations. I could include variables of height to weight ratio, praise minus criticism, and a multiple for the dramatic potential that each girl has. Comparing the resultant values, could therefore indicate which of the remaining contestants would be eliminated. Sadly I have better things to do in my spare time, like play The Sims.

Another episode of Top Model begins with the traditional rendition of a midday awakening. Today the girls are woken by the chime of a door bell that has apparently been rung by a foot tall robot. The figurine greets them with a Sarah mail, insinuating that a catwalk lesson awaits them. Generally lessons are intended to educate pupils, however, in the case of Top Model they usually involve commendation or humiliation of the contestants. This is especially true when the teacher is the breathtaking Mink Sadowsky. In keeping with the routine of previous seasons this catwalk is also located somewhere within the catacombs of a questionable nightclub, beyond a myriad of stairs.

 Of all the liberties that are removed during the Top Model experience, it is curious that the makeover segment can create so much drama. It all began when Franky refused to have her haircut, and then threatened to leave the show. It is entirely probable that prior to this episode the girls were asked how they would react to different haircuts, and obviously the styling they received was heavily influenced by their replies. After a montage of tears and talking Franky finally concedes to having a haircut, and the result is lovely. Notably, many of the other girls with a more reserved personality retained their original hairstyles.

This week Australia's Next Top Model contestants were subjected to a grueling routine of normal physical activity, and basic health education. The girls are 'woken up' by Franky to discover a 'nutritionalist' at their door with Sarah Murdoch. A seminar on basic health ensues, and Dr Joanna McMillan-Price advises the models to eat more vegetables. The girls are then introduced to a gym, where their chronological age is compared with their physical fitness age. The methodology behind this confuses me. Perhaps the ideal fitness age is represented by a ratio between the two ages. I wish this segment would last forever, exploring the bio molecular composition of our models and assessing their metabolic functioning. I stop over analysing as the girls are all told how unfit they are, and there is a general consensus that this is correct. Cassi resumes smoking to alleviate the stress of minimal exercising, apparently assisted by purchasing of tobacco for minors by the production crew...

The new season of Australia’s Next Top Model is all about being fresh, expensive, and tall. The search for a supermodel has begun, and the final 13 have been chosen. In the weeks to come these girls will face incredible challenges, early mornings, and wonderful rewards. Their every waking moment will be recorded and observed by a panel of experts, and one by one they will be eliminated. All will become reality TV stars, with cult followings and fan mail. Some will become models, using the experience to further their own careers. Only one will take home the infamous title of ‘Australia’s Next Top Model’.