Two and a Half Men

Wednesday, September 10 at 7.30pm

As Judith and Herb's (recurring guest star RYAN STILES) wedding nears, Charlie gets close to Herb's witty sister, Myra (recurring guest star JUDY GREER - "Arrested Development"). But Charlie's flirtation does not please Judith, who orders Alan to make Charlie stop pursuing Myra.

Monday, September 8 at 7.00pm

Alan takes Charlie to meet with his sexy and determined divorce attorney, Laura (HEATHER LOCKLEAR – "Spin City," "Melrose Place"), after Judith expresses concern that Charlie is a bad influence on Jake. Charlie and Laura begin a sexual relationship. Laura doesn't care that he dates other women, but she does have one request: Charlie must be available for her whenever she wants him. Charlie loves the idea until Laura takes advantage of the situation. But when Charlie tries to get out of the arrangement, Alan suffers.

Wednesday, September 10 at 7.00pm

When Jake imitates one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women decide that Charlie's home is an unfit environment for the child. With the women's approval, Judith agrees to let Alan see Jake on weekends, but not at Charlie's place. Charlie must cajole the support group in order to win his nephew back.

Friday, SEPTEMBER 12 at 7.00pm

Despite the complexities of their lives and their own strained relationship, Charlie and Alan have one thing in common: They both love Jake and want what's best for him. As a result, they manage to create a little family unit that promises to make each one of them a better man.

Alan feels hurt when Charlie asks him to stay out of the house while Charlie's buddies come over. Then Alan is further rejected when he learns that his old friends aren't available because they're all at his ex-wife Judith's house for a get-together. Charlie's stalker, Rose, attempts to cheer up lonely, brooding Alan, but only an invitation to join Charlie's elite male support group will make him feel better.

Oscar and Golden Globe Award winner SEAN PENN ("Mystic River"), Grammy Award winner ELVIS COSTELLO, SAG Award nominee HARRY DEAN STANTON ("The Green Mile") and BOBBY COOPER ("I Am Sam") guest star as themselves (Charlie's support group).

Tuesday, September 9 at 9.00pm

Unable to sleep, Alan takes Charlie's suggestion and goes for a jog on the beach. After his run takes a disastrous turn, Alan turns to a psychiatrist in the hope that discovering the source of his insomnia will help alleviate it. Meanwhile, Jake pleads with Charlie not to date the hot mother of a classmate whom Jake likes.

Tuesday, September 9 at 7.00pm

Alan succumbs to Judith's demand that they take Jake to therapy every week because "it's what all the other divorced parents are doing," but he doesn't realize that he, too, is having issues ... with sleepwalking. Evelyn hints to Charlie that Alan used to sleepwalk as a child, leading Charlie to come up with a clever new solution to Alan's recurring problem. Recurring guest star JANE LYNCH ("Best In Show") returns as Jake's therapist, Dr. Linda Freeman.

Thursday, September 11 at 7.00pm

One of Charlie's many women fears she's pregnant, and Charlie is relieved when the lady finds out she's not. When Alan realizes that this is not Charlie's first pregnancy scare, he suggests a permanent solution for Charlie, a vasectomy. Charlie's doctor recommends freezing some sperm in case Charlie changes his mind about having children, but things don't go quite as planned.

Tuesday, September 9 at 8.30pm

As Charlie prepares for a steamy Christmas Eve alone with his date, his friends and family keep dropping in--and staying until Charlie finds himself hosting an unplanned, unwanted holiday party. Upon discovering whom Charlie's new girlfriend is, Evelyn inexplicably becomes desperate to break them up before they go too far in their relationship. SUSAN SULLIVAN ("Dharma & Greg") guest stars as Dorothy, the mother of Charlie's date. Recurring guest star RYAN STILES appears as Judith's fiancée, Herb.

Wednesday, September 17 at 7.30pm

While Alan prepares Jake for Judith's wedding, Charlie continues his fling with Herb's (recurring guest star RYAN STILES) sister, Myra (recurring guest star JUDY GREER). Besides Judith's disapproval of the relationship, Charlie gets a surprise from Myra after admitting that he truly likes her.

Tuesday, September 16 at 9.00pm

When Rose announces that she is moving to London permanently, Charlie doesn't listen at first. But he eventually realizes that he must face his true feelings for her. Meanwhile, Alan tries online dating--with unforeseen results. After exaggerating while writing his profile on an internet dating service, Alan attracts a fellow profile embellisher, Beverly (ALLISON JANNEY - "The West Wing").

Tuesday, September 16 at 8.30pm

A sexy young girl whom Charlie has been dating cajoles him into going to a hot new club and bringing Alan along to meet her friend. But when they arrive, Charlie and Alan are mortified to learn that the partygoers consider them old. MORGAN FAIRCHILD ("Falcon Crest") guest stars as Donna, a more mature woman who helps rebuild Charlie's ego

Friday, September 19 at 7.00pm

When Evelyn tells Jake that Alan shoplifted a toy as a child, Alan denies the charge, as he has ever since the incident took place. He finally admits to Charlie his theory that maybe there is a "Bad Alan"--an evil side of him that stole the toy--which the good side of him works daily to suppress. Charlie feels guilty and admits to planting the toy on him, destroying the brothers' relationship--until Evelyn offers to get involved

Thursday, September 18 at 7.00pm

Charlie dates a woman, Sherri (JERI RYAN - "Boston Public," "Star Trek: Voyager"), who is a self-centered, manipulative narcissist--a female Charlie. But Charlie doesn't like the way Sherri treats him. Meanwhile, Alan tries to instill some discipline in Jake to improve his son's homework habits.

Wednesday, September 17 at 7.00pm

Jake adores Judith's rich, new boyfriend because the man has a boat and a pool, and he promises to teach Jake how to snorkel and scuba dive. Feeling inadequate, Alan teaches his 11-year-old son how to drive a car. But when Judith's boyfriend ends the relationship, Jake becomes furious at his mother. Now it's Judith's turn to feel inadequate, and Alan does something he may regret.

Tuesday, September 16 at 7.00pm

Jake thinks he's dreaming late one night when he sees the teacher who tried to get him suspended, Miss Pasternak (MISSI PYLE - "Bringing Down the House"), practically naked in Charlie's kitchen. When Jake refuses to go to school the next day, Charlie agrees to end the relationship with Miss Pasternak. Unfortunately, she gets upset, and Charlie and Jake both suffer.